It is only human to put off today what we can do tomorrow. Unfortunately, our tendency toward procrastination may extend to our own, or our child’s, self-care. You may be concerned about this for yourself, or for your child. First off, do not criticize yourself. Again, you are human. But what can we do about our procrastination?
Procrastination does not come out- of- the- blue. What’s Behind Yours?
My take on procrastination is that it is a way of having control in our lives. We do not like to be told what to do. We don’t want to do things we don’t like to do. And so, we maintain control by deciding when we will get started on an undesired task. Unfortunately, the when I’ll get started, can turn into if, I’ll get started. You may be experiencing that with your child as well.
Procrastination is also a way of avoiding failure. After all, if you never get started in the first place, you don’t have to worry about experiencing defeat. So, you may have had some fear about whether you are really capable of making these changes in your life and are avoiding putting yourself to the test, as an individual or as a parent.
Here is a third reason for procrastination: Human beings get attached to our day-to-day routines, even if they are not working that well for us. We like to stay with what is familiar. Change means stepping into the unknown, including any changes in what you or your child needs to add to the self-care routine. What will life be like without our routines and habits? You may be afraid about what your life will be like with a thorough self-care routine in place, and so you may be procrastinating to avoid the unknown that results from that change. Your child may feel the same way.
Okay, so what about you? In what areas of your life are you most likely to procrastinate? Is your self-care plan one of those areas? Are you seeing the same thing in your child?
As you consider areas where you may be likely to procrastinate, in yourself or your child, consider healthy lifestyle, reasonable exercise, self-monitoring, maintaining appointments… whatever you and your healthcare providers have decided are important to your health, or your child’s health.
It has been my experience that individuals who are newly diagnosed with chronic conditions often struggle with procrastination, but so do those who are more experienced, oftentimes because of a major change in the requirements around their regimen. Or because they are feeling worn out in their routine.
So, if you are struggling with procrastination, you are not alone. And, if so, you can do something about your procrastination. Here are some helpful tips:
First, do not use this as a reason to criticize yourself. Getting down on yourself for procrastinating does not help anything. It is like criticizing yourself for being human. Self-criticism leads to feelings of hopelessness, and the question, “why even bother?” That is never going to motivate you. If you are a parent, that goes for you, too.
Take a look at your perspective. One of the reasons you might be procrastinating on doing what you need to do to take care of yourself is that you may be lumping all the things you need to get done into one giant iceberg. You then have to find a way to chip away at it, making it feel like “too much work” or worse yet, “almost impossible.” Who wouldn’t be inclined to procrastinate with a challenge like that?
Focus on the benefit of adherence. Between when you left your doctor’s office and faced your self-care plan, you may have lost sight of why you are embarking on this plan. Your mind may have told you that this whole thing is about making your life, or your child’s life miserable, or at least more complicated, but your rational mind knows otherwise. This plan is all about helping you or your child to stay as healthy as possible, to have the best quality of life, to be there for yourself and for others. That is a reason to get going, right?
Break your self-care plan down into the elements. Shift your perspective away from that big iceberg. Instead, consider the elements that make up your self-care plan. Just as you have originally done when you first went over it with your doctor. This might include medication regimen, diet, activity, self-monitoring, and other tasks. If you are a parent, also do this for your child, this can help both of you to feel less overwhelmed.
Select the most important priorities. You might ask your doctor to help you. What are the elements of your self-care plan that you need to address every day? Your medication regimen is probably at the top of the list. Self-monitoring may be high on the list also. Again, be clear with your doctor what the highest priorities are, do not make assumptions.
Commit to a manageable number of priorities. And get started. Decide to start today with the basic elements of your plan. Not a complete overnight change in the way you live your life, but the beginning of needed adjustments, so you can take the best possible care of yourself. This should make your self-care plan feel less daunting.
Build in accountability. Being accountable and maintaining commitments can help you to stay on the best path. This does not mean asking for punishment. For example, asking a friend or family member if you can check in with them as you complete your self-care tasks every day, or asking them to check in with you, can be a great incentive. Or putting together an accountability system for you and your child. Make this about receiving some “attagirl” or an “attaboy,” encouragement. As well as a listening ear – without judgement – if you are not successful.
Watch your labels. Notice I said, “not successful” and did not use the word “failure.” Be careful about the words you use to describe your progress in meeting your self-care daily goals, as well as your goals for your child. Again, avoid creating reasons to get down on yourself.
Give yourself some encouragement. It is nice to hear positive words from others, but you will be that much more successful if you can create your own inner motivation. So, create your own positive self-talk and use it often. “Note to self: You’re doing a great job” is a good place to start.
Develop a plan for increasing your adherence. Success creates more success. A good way to counter the urge to procrastinate is to work with yourself to continue to master your self-care plan, one more step, by one more step. Each time you take a step forward, give yourself some encouragement. Do the same for your child. Shout it from the rooftop! Think of how you will feel even more empowered when you tackle that next task in your plan.
Take a step back. Procrastination might not be the only reason you are not successful with your self-care plan. It may be too aggressive, with an unreasonable number of changes expected all at once. You may have aspects of your plan that are just too difficult for you to accomplish, or they just don’t fit with the way you live your life. If so, this might be an opportunity to talk to your doctor about adjustments you can make that could help you, and your child, to be more successful.
Learn from those times when you don’t quite get around to it. Not achieving your self-care goals might also be a learning experience. Is there any additional support you need? More accountability? Trying to accomplish too much? Work with your urge to procrastinate. Do not fight it.
This approach will work in other areas of your life as well. Again, it is human to procrastinate. You may find yourself dealing with procrastination in other areas of your life as well. If so, welcome to the club. You might find the guidelines I provided regarding your self-care plan will work in other areas of your life as well.
You, your self-care plan, and the urge to procrastinate. Talk to your doctor about a phased-in approach to staying on track with your self-care. Get help in setting priorities. Build in both accountability and encouragement. Keep your eyes on the prize. Success is a process, taken one step at a time.